He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
