They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
