Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
