This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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