If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
