So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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