it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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