I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
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idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
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A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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