oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize