"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
