I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
