Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
