my mouth tastes like poor choices
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
