you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
