you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
