Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
