I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
