you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
