dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
