nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
