She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
