I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So apparently I’m into choking now
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
