Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
