tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
