is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
