I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
