is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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