There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
