she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
