pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hippo gnu deer
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
