they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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