wakey wakey hands off snakey
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
