It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
