while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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