My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
