I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
