I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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