He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
