Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
