girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
