Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
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Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
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Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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