Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the day after is always just damage control
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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