you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
