i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
