Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
