Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
