Whatcha textin bout Willis?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
