When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize