sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
