you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
