ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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