I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
