he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Never joke about your clitoris.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
