This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
