I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
