apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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