I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
A+ Viking dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
