Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
