My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
