Umm I'm too high to move.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
