I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
