umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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