I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
