I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
