No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
