Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
