I feel like abortions should bother me more
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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